20th may,2008
It is still the same. I am not getting the right feelings for the past two days. All i can see is my own end. Hard to believe but right there in my face. No matter how hard i tried ignoring it, i was still sweating.
I always believed that there are reasons to one's action. I was treading on a false hope. I had my own fears, my own demons. Yet, the illusion of hope was very strong. Little time spent in waking hours, laughing, can make you forget that you still cant figure out the next minute of your life.
On hearing the words , which i was expecting, was a blow. Though it lacked intensity, it was strong enough to push me back into the corner. Now, that corner is getting all over me. I can break free, get moving but i don't want to.
Despair? No. Desperate? No. All i wanted was to fill the void which was expanding, while i was looking everywhere but there. Now the void isn't alone. It has accomplices such as despair, pain, loneliness. Grey turning to black.
A spark is needed to light a fire. I can definitely do with some sparks and a lot of fire. I have to burn that void somehow. I am not sure how i will do that but i have to try. But isn't that void a part of me. If yes, then why is it making me suffer. Won't it suffer in return too.
As i had thought, i was out of luck. I was never a lucky guy, but neither was i an unlucky one. This is bad. All corners are staring at me. Telling me that right now i am as empty as they are. I am as left out as they are. The worst part is, i think i believe them.
Where is my silver lining? Where is my sunshine? Had i been living in this dark all along, nothing i was going through would have mattered. Smile. Paste it on your face. Is it of any help? Can something be done about me eyes. They are giving me away. They are not helping me. They are making the mirror useless.
Its nothing more than a temporary recession. I will get back on the right track or at least on some track. I cant even explain my heart's heaviness. Well, someone has truly said:
NICE GUYS FINISH LAST!!
I always believed that there are reasons to one's action. I was treading on a false hope. I had my own fears, my own demons. Yet, the illusion of hope was very strong. Little time spent in waking hours, laughing, can make you forget that you still cant figure out the next minute of your life.
On hearing the words , which i was expecting, was a blow. Though it lacked intensity, it was strong enough to push me back into the corner. Now, that corner is getting all over me. I can break free, get moving but i don't want to.
Despair? No. Desperate? No. All i wanted was to fill the void which was expanding, while i was looking everywhere but there. Now the void isn't alone. It has accomplices such as despair, pain, loneliness. Grey turning to black.
A spark is needed to light a fire. I can definitely do with some sparks and a lot of fire. I have to burn that void somehow. I am not sure how i will do that but i have to try. But isn't that void a part of me. If yes, then why is it making me suffer. Won't it suffer in return too.
As i had thought, i was out of luck. I was never a lucky guy, but neither was i an unlucky one. This is bad. All corners are staring at me. Telling me that right now i am as empty as they are. I am as left out as they are. The worst part is, i think i believe them.
Where is my silver lining? Where is my sunshine? Had i been living in this dark all along, nothing i was going through would have mattered. Smile. Paste it on your face. Is it of any help? Can something be done about me eyes. They are giving me away. They are not helping me. They are making the mirror useless.
Its nothing more than a temporary recession. I will get back on the right track or at least on some track. I cant even explain my heart's heaviness. Well, someone has truly said:
NICE GUYS FINISH LAST!!
